some junk

 In different stages in life we have different needs. When was the first time in life we experienced happiness? Was it when we were born? Was it when we were fed when we were hungry? Was it when we were hugged by mother when we wanted to feel secure? As a child happiness was a default state provided we were not hungry, felt

secure , were given attention by parent(s) and were not physically sick. 

That happiness/joy is expressed by a child spontaneously when his physical and emotional needs are met. This kind if happiness is immature happiness , no matter how pure or innocent because it is expressed by someone who has not formed an identity yet.

Now lets talk about the happiness of someone whose identity/ego have developed (a sense of I/me/mine). 

What is happiness? When we say a person is happy..in 1440 minutes a day ..when is he happy? All 1440 minutes? In 365 days a year..all days? When we say someone is not happy..it means he/she never felt happy even for a second? When we watch some comedy on TV and laugh..are we happy in that moment because we are laughing? Is it possible to be both sad and also laugh? 

May be we say that a person is happy then it means he is very content, feeling positive and blissful. But then we feel bliss when we have orgasm ..so are we happy for those few moments?

It seems there are two kinds if happiness - temporary happiness and more enduring permanent happiness. 

Temporary happiness is subject to our wants/expectations being met. If we get what we want, we are happy. It could be any want..want for tangible things like money or want for respect or want for love/attention. 

Individuals are at various levels of humanity. For some individuals, their happiness depends directly only on themselves..like their wants, their needs, their health etc.

For some people their happiness depends on what their near and dear omes are going through. A parents is all fine but his child is sick, so he is not happy. Here too..some parent  might be unhappy because HIS 'expectation' from his child is not met..and another parent because his CHILD is 'suffering'.

If we can't be happy entirely due to our negative feelings like anger, jealousy and not feeling loved, such kind unhappiness seems to be more self created and we can feel better with more control over ourselves.

If we are unhappy because our friends are family are suffering or in pain, then such unhappiness has concern for others as its foundation and is not necessarily a state one should try to avoid. It is part of life and must be experienced.

Some people naturally have a happy optimistic disposition. They have done nothing from their side to be like that..it comes naturally to them. After all there is something called a body..hormones..genetics..and a lot about how we feel depends on our hormones. Why do you think we see more "happiness" in colleges..schools..typically young people? Because they are more mature and have learnt to find happiness within? I think it is just hormones which make them feel good in general ..since their bodies are at peak level of functioning. 

The physiological aspect of happiness..as we know..endorphins..oxytocin..dopamine..vit D are all regulated by hormones. We know that if we reduce Vit D intake or absorption, one tends to get depressed. People in scandinavian countries, I read, are more likely to suffer from this kins of depression due to absence of sun for several months.

We also know that suicidal tendencies run in families. What can a person do if he is born in such family then?Genetics play a very big role im how our disposition is.

So the word happiness can mean a million things depending on the context..who we are talkimg about..and what kind of happiness.

But now lets come to the kind of happiness someone who crossed 40(or 50)..and is more aware of reality and certainty of death. Here we have become very ambitious and now we are demanding.."I dont want these chillar happiness that comes and goes. I want guarantee..i want permanent happiness that will always stay with me. It is very interesting that we all have this desire for 'constancy' for 'permanence'. As we grow we become more aware of the transient nature of things and we are not able to accept that. We seek permanence. We also want happiness that does not have a pre-requisites like being healthy, wealthy etc. Hypothetically let us assume that a person is granted everything he wants in this world..health..money..love...food..sex...drugs..everything. Then we know that the next thing he will seek is extension of this state of happiness..hence extension of his life. Lets just say someone grants him that too..so he can go on living hundreds of years. But then he will see his loved ones leave him..they die..he will start feeling lonely. He has everything..but he is feeling lonely. He seeks some connection...company. If he is human enough he will discover the joy in giving..in sharing.

Now I will cross a line and say that as per spiritual books this man will still be discontent and the one and only thing that can make his feel content forever..for eternity is 'enlightenment' but i know the moment we enter this zone we are going into metaphysical and lets not get there now. Let us assume that we dont believe in the concept of enlightenment  and that we dont care about things like that.

So lets come back to earth..and lets assume that our story ends when our physical body dies. Since we are nothing but a body and brain..we wont exist after our body stops functioning, we cant talk about anything beyond that. Let say I was born on 01-Jan-1983 and let me be generous and give myself 100 yrs life. So on 31-Dec-2082 i am going to take my last breath. And let us think about how i will feel in Dec,2082.  

Those few days it does not matter much you have suffered or how much you have enjoyed. It does not matter whether you were happy or sad your entire life.  It does not matter how much pain you had or pleasure. Does not matter how fair or unfair life was. Each and every emotion you felt in the life is just past. (...smriti maatrame kadaa..chivariki migiledi...).

But i believe what stays with us in last few days is either a sense of satisfaction about how we actively shaped our life..how we responded to various challenges in life..it is about our performance..our batting..not our score. If we have conscience..and if we made bad choices in life repeatedly..we will die with regret and guilt. If we made choices that gave us temporary pleasures...that distanced us from people..that stifled the love in us...that made us less human..we will feel enormous guilt and regret. We will feel that we have wasted our life. That we have spent lot of time on things that dont matter to us..things that are not worthy. 

But if we have lived a 'good' life...(good being subjective) ..we will be at peace with ourselves..and exit gracefully.

If you are seeking happiness it means you dont have it. And you seeking it because you believe that there is a state of existence different from your present state of existence which is qualitatively better. Ask yourself why do you think there is some such better state of existence? what evidence do you have that such state exists? If you are saying that so and so other person "looks"..seems.. happy..believes he is happy..so it must be possible to have such a state of existence..you are wrong because you are not that person. What matters to him.and what matters to you..where he came from and where you came from are different..the genes different..what you are born with is different ..your journeys are different. As i said above a 20 year old stupid is more likely to apeear happier than a 70 yr old wise man. But is that the kind of happiness you are looking for? A happiness that is tied to your bodily functions which are certainly not permanent. Then what happiness do you want..you want the morally "higher" kind of happiness that comes from "well being" of others. So lets say..you will be happy only if your wife or children are happy?  But then how do you know they are happy? And most likely their happiness is also not permanent ..so when their life conditions change to cause them suffering..how you are going to be happy? 

My take:

We are not here to be happy. There is nothing called permanent happiness. Happiness even if it exists is a dynamic state in flux and not static/constant. Seeking happiness is the biggest enemy of happiness. We are here to experience life and act in a way that is in alignment with our nature. We will experience physical and emotional pain , depression, suffering..along with moments of joy and bliss. Some experience more intensely ..some so so. Most of us are weak in the sense our state of mind is controlled by external world. Everyone has a point where they will break. Some break at slightest pressure, for some it takes cancer.

We will forget what happened to us but we will always remember what we did. No matter how much joy or suffering external life gives us what matters eventually is what we did(to ourselves)..what actions we performed. 

"Navvoste navvali, eduposte edavali" (sitamma vaakitlo sirimalle chettu).

Expand you horizons of feeling. If you restrict your feeling to your career performance ..only your career will define your 'happiness'. You spend your entire life till 65 on a successful career..and then one fine day the career will vanish..your designation will be gone..your identity is gone..there will be a great crash. You have lived a happy life for 65 years..because you let only your career define your happiness and your career was great but then 66 the ground under your feet is pulled and you have nothing to stand on. Your happiness dies before you die.

Expand your zone..the more you expand the less likely you will be happy. Because the more things you include in your life..personal..professional..health...you are diversifying your portfolio. So you know that if you diversify the returns will be modest. Now you are unlikely to feel too happy or too sad becaude there are too many things that matter to you and their cumulative effect is not too high or too low. Now expand further..become compassionate..let the larger crowd matter to you. If you could really expand your zone so much that a child suffering in Israel is making you unhappy..then its fine...stay unhappy. The unhappiness you are experiencing because of a fellow human's suffering seems higher to me than the happiness that results from apathy. Now you understood that happiness is function of all that matter to you in this life. 

The more you add to that bucket of what matters to you..the more power you are giving to things beyond your control. You will break mentally if you let all the suffering in the world matter to you, so you will shield yourself from external suffering..choose to ignore it in your best interest..accept that the world is a complex place..it is what it is and focus on your own life.

You can live well only in two ways - 1. Dont have any expectation from anything including your own body i.e., dont seek anything and be prepared for just about anything. 

2. Accept that nothing is permanent..everything changes..that includes your happiness or lack of it..and that anything can change in an instant and just choose your actions with this awareness..and act well with full energy despite this awareness. 

There is one constant in you that is aware of everything you did...good and bad..everything you felt..joy and otherwise. That constant watches you like a mute witness. Some call it conscience but i am talking about something beyond morality here. Some call it consciousness and i am not sure if that is what i am talking about. Be in alignment with that source..with that constant with your core. In that course of inner journey to yourself, based on several factors..genes..nature..physiology..psychology...conscious and unconscious.., the experiences might be happy or sad..pleasure or pain..embrace everything...dont want the next minute to be like this minute..dont have such foolish desires...seeking happiness is the biggest obstacle to happiness. 

Another take:

There is no scientific proof for happiness.  Happiness is a subjective feeling. And feelings change. If you dont have X you are unhappy. So dont have the desire for X. Or have a desire for X but dont let your happiness depend on obtaining it. If you restrict your happiness to just act..take action..then after you just take action you will be happy because the only thing in your control was your action/response and the only thing you desired was being able to act in a certain way and since you were able to act in that way..you are happy. Now you brought the scope of your happiness down to just whatever is in your control. You will feel happy for having done the right thing..for having attempted a challenging thing..for having endured pain (assuming thats what you wanted because only enduring was in your control)..and then while you are happy about the action you took..someone you deeply care about is in trouble..is suffering due to something..and you start feeling sad. Then you choose to feel sad..you embrace it..you accept the pain and thus you are happy again for your choice.

As long as you believe that you exist only till the physical body exists...and as long as you believe only in rational/scientific thinking...life is just a series of cause-effect and happiness or the lack of it is just a random event.

Review of 'The Lunch Box'

After watching initial few scenes of the movie, we know that the movie is far from ‘filmy’.  It doesn’t have any artificial looking sets, all scenes of the movie seem to be shot in natural locations…like a busy café, boring looking office, messy kitchen etc. The story is about lives of the characters and the connection between their lives. The story feels like a set of pages torn from a book called ‘Life’. The set of pages themselves make a story albeit without a proper origin or ending. All characters are married adults and ‘well-settled’. We won’t know how they got into the work they are into or the relationships they are into, because, as mentioned above, the story starts with their current lives and their past or future is not important…or rather is not part of the story.

The movie felt more like a book, with attention to minor details.  The characters’ expressions and their silence convey as much as their dialogues do,  if not more. The movie has lot of scenes that look repetitive and bit boring to people who like typical noisy bollywood masala. The sets are mostly indoors and the same indoors. But repetition of scenes and sets is the heart of the movie which has its characters’ routine as an inevitable part. We understand about the characters by knowing their routine, their attitude towards their routine and how they change while their routine doesn’t…or perhaps it does.

The performances of all the three main characters are brilliant. The story is told more by the actors’ performances than by the events happening in their lives. There are many humorous moments in the movie, and the timing of dialogues and the manner in which they are delivered don’t fail to evoke laughter. 

The Lunch Box is a movie that will be liked by audience who have a certain kind of taste…a taste which made them like movies such as Lutera, Shanghai etc…most likely the so called ‘multiplex audience’. Nevertheless, the other kind of crowd might find it a good movie too, especially because of the comedy and performances. And those who have a penchant for slow paced, silent movies that focus more on the characters’ feelings and how they evolve than the actual story are going to love this movie. And all theatre lovers too will love this movie.

I personally feel Bollywood has evolved, and evolved for good…and I came out of the theatre quite satisfied with my decision to watch it.

a dew drop struggling to stay on the leaf of life
or a soul torn by morals at strife?
tears of rust hidden beneath the smile of gold
or a coward inside and outwardly bold?
a been there done that seen all know all
or an arrogant tree, being axed by axe of vanity, oblivious to its own fall?
a well shot arrow flying towards its aim
or a sluggish bow, inert and tired of the game?
a perennial river with a life beyond time
or a muddy pond that isn't in its prime
a dawn, full of hope and promises
or a dusk , capable of nothing but reminiscences
a rock rooted stubbornly , solid and immortal
or a bubble at wind's mercy, frail and ephemeral
the hypocritical, arrogant and wicked me
or the honest, thoughtful and kind me?

which me do you want to know about?

I am letting you hurt me so that I can increase my capacity to love those who hurt me.

The Maratha Mess

Recently a survey has revealed that lot of maharashtrian women are not able to conceive. A research on their partners back grounds led to an interesting finding - that their DNA has non-marathi code imprinted on it because of any possible non-marathi ancestral links. Microscopic observation using advanced techniques has brought into light a unique phenomenon never reported in billions of years of human evolution. The Ova (eggs) of marathi women were found to be releasing few WBC ( White blood cells) with strong marathi wiring and the cells were found to be attacking, killing and thus preventing sperms with even traces of non-marathi cell material from uniting with the egg. The scientists have found a remedy for this after extensive research. They said that if a man injects marathi fanaticism into his mind(by repeatedly listening to speeches by the thackareys' and co), there is a chance that any non-marathi traces in his cell material be completely replaced by marathi equivalent which would later lead to successful conception. This is one of the most note worthy and important developments in Genetic science in modern times and Mr. Thal Backery has been nominated for Nobel prize for his contribution to this development.

the BORED and the BEAUTIFUL

Standing in the balcony leisurely on a lazy sunday evening is a luxury these days.Luxury not because there are less number of evenings or sundays, but because there is less chance that we are not preoccupied with mundane problems.I luckily had this luxury today and adding to it I also had the luxury of watching a female dog (bitch is the right word, but it is widely used for humans than dogs) and its puppy in a playful mood.The dog stood still and was looking here and there as if it was searching its better half while the puppy grabbed her moms leg with her jaws and tried to pull it with all might.When it became too much to take, the dog got rid of puppy's hold and went far from it, but the puppy didn't give up.This time it aimed straight for the neck and i was reminded of one of those popular scenes in Nat Geo in which the tiger/lion/cheetah attacks its prey and holds its throat with its jaws to kill it.The mom got rid of it again and this thing continued for sometime.The whole episode was beautiful to watch and I wondered why dogs too, like humans, become so serious when they grow up.

After about 10 minutes, i got bored of this puppy play.And then started the ugly play of analysis in the theatre of my mind.why did i get bored of something that seemed very beautiful 10 minutes ago.Obviously, constantly watching an object of beauty doesn't make it any less beautiful.The object is still the same. It could be a rose, sunrise, snow peak, whatever, I am sure we will get bored of watching it continuously.why? Is mankind doomed to get bored?

May be we should blame our memory.At our first glance, our mind is completely occupied with what we see, it is in pure 'receiving' mode.It is in the moment.It becomes the moment.But after sometime (which varies from person to person), thanks to the fickleness of our mind,our memory starts functioning.It is as if there are two screens in the theatre , side by side. What our memory saw a moment ago is on one screen and what it is seeing now is on another one.The image on the first screen is compared with that on the second continuously (this comparision starts after those blissful initial moments during which the memory is in a non-functioning state).Or sometimes it might aso happen that there is a third screen in which the mind projects an image from the future, i.e', image from next moment.And when this comparison results in past=present=furture state for considerable length of time, we get bored.It seems mind always seeks something new.But the question of new arises only when the old is remembered and involuntarily/voluntarily recollected(blame the memory again).I am sure novelty appeals more to us than beauty.We can see this in our media frenzy society today, where new faces are shot into limelight instantly and pushed into darkness even more instantly.How do we come out of this cycle of desire-attainment-boredom?

If we can force our mind to concentrate only one one screen,the center one representing present, and ignore the other two, and let them dissolve, then probably we can attain a state of zero boredom.Only if we were capable of it, we would have had a new wife everyday, a new car, a new job, a new life altogether!Whenever we would look into our partner's eyes, it would be first sight, and there would never be a second sight!Hmm..the books say that meditation takes us there. Worth trying, isn't it?

As I unheld the finger of destiny's wind,
Gracefully I landed in the river of your love
Partly immersed partly afloat
I wondered…what, why and how?

A plain feather I was, as plain as a crow
But you splashed myriad hues on me
The parrot wept, the peacock raised its eyebrow
And the butterfly's flight lost its glee.

We sang, we danced, we laughed and cried together
And with you I discovered Life's essence
The sun, the moon and the stars didn't bother
Though we were oblivious to their presence


But I'm not yours nor you mine
For the paths will always diverge
And my lips will have to part from thine
The feather will be lost in the storm surge.

Yet I know, despite all my fears,
That I will forever be with you
That every drop of your river tastes of my tears
And in all my hues forever are you…